Charlie
by DearJanuary
Summary: Desperate times call for desperate measures ecspecially in Sean's case. Jay's is more than happy to help his best friend just not in the best way.
1. Here Comes A Regular

Chapter One: Here Comes A Regular

One hand gliding down the back of his head and the other dipping a fry into the small cup of ketchup, Sean Cameron was more than frustrated. He'd been living on his own for less than four months and already he was knee deep in debut and two steps away from being evicted.

"I can't get anymore hours at work, I already work overtime." He said while biting into the fry to his best friend across the park bench table.

"What did princess say about this?" Jay asked reaching for another sip of his drink.

"You mean Emma? I haven't told her." Sean squinted his eyes down to limit the sun and shook his head. "She'd start worrying and i'd never hear the end of it. She'd probably ask Snake and Spike for money and the last thing I want to do is be in even more debut."

Jay was speechless, seeing as theft was out of the question they'd vetoed that after high school, he couldn't think of any options that Sean would go for.

"I'd do anything at this point. _Anything_." For the first time during their whole lunch break, Sean made eye contact with Jay and Jay actually had an idea. It wasn't a brilliant idea, but it was one way.

"In that case, Cameron, I might know how you can make some good cash fast."

"How?"

"Well, my sister sort of runs a business -"

Shaking his head from side to side, letting his mane sashshay, Sean cut Jay off.

"Wait, you have a sister?"

"Yeah, a younger one."

"Since when?" This was the first Sean had ever heard of her.

"Since my mom got knocked up by some guy she worked with at a Safeway back in Montreal."

"You never talk about her."

"Not a lot to talk about, anyways do you need the money or not?" With a harsh snap in his voice, Jay questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, I do."

"I'll take you there after work." Leaning back and setting his back straight, Jay nodded along while finishing his lunch.

The apartment building Jay walked Sean through smelt like stale beer and lysol. The walls were tattered with peeling rosebud wallpaper and traces of mold beneath it. The carpet was covered in stains and their footprints seemed to stay imprinted in it. It was noisy and you could see the dirt traveling through the air. Sean didn't even know what was in store but, he was already feeling uneasy. They were on the scruffiest and most frowned upon part of town but Jay couldn't look more comfortable.

"Just be cool, alright?" He slapped Sean on the back, playfully. "She's my sister but she can be a bitch."

"Like most of the girls in your life." Sean muttered, tyring to lighten the mood, mostly for himself.

Jay only narrowed his blue eyes down at Sean and shot him a look. He stopped them in front of a red painted door. All the rest of the doors were a bland shade of beige but not this one. The paint job was horrible, thick and streaky. It looked as if somebody had taken a bucket of dark red paint and just thrown it over the door. It reminded Sean of intense bleeding. Jay waited a few seconds after knocking on the door and then pounded his fist against it even harder.

"Open up!" He hollered with a highly hasty tone of voice. Sean would never open the door for someone talking to him like that. "Open up!" He kept pouding.

As if on cue, the door slightly opened, a small chain lock keeping it from completely fanning open. A girl much smaller than them with dark round rosebud chocolate's for eyes and a small white gypsy dress on.

"Hey Shelby, you going to let us in?" Jay stared down at the girl, casting his threatening silhouette over her.

"You know, I got to be careful." She closed the door while speaking and they could hear fiddling on the other side of what they asumed was the girl unlocking the door. "Come on in." She swirled spit or gum or something unknown around in her mouth, looking through out the hall while letting the two boys in. She shut the door in a rush and then locked it closed.

Her apartment didn't smell any better than the hallway outside. Only, Sean could detect a strong odur of weed and cheap insense burning. The Replacement's were spinning on the turntable on the floor of the living room. Their were two lawn chairs sitting in the room adjacent from the fifteen inch television with bent antennas and a crack in the screen and a beat up used couch that had spent years in a thrift store before Jay pulled it over here. Their was a small kitchen nook but nothing seemed to be in the sink but, the stove had a pan laying over top of it with what appeared to be fresh oatmeal cookies, which Jay had already helped himself, too.

"What choo' doing here, Jason?" The girl had a thick downtown accent and even though she was small, she had an attitude bigger than Jay and Sean combined. She jetted out her pelvis to the side, the way Daphne from Scooby Doo did and held her side. She was still smacking her mouth around and her free hand smacked Jay's and he immeaditly dropped the cookie back onto the pan.

"Just wanted to see my little sis." He taunted her with his facial expression that had a smile stretched across his face while he patted her cheeks. "Is that a crime?"

"And who's this?" She slid her eyes up and down Sean but, he could she was overlooking him not looking him over. Sean noted that Jay and Shelby didn't look a thing alike. Jay was tall with light brown hair and a thin bone structure, also no accent to be heard. Where Shelby had dark features, a downtown French accent to her voice and she had a little meat on her.

"Don't you check your messages, Shelby?" Jay opened his sister's fridge only to find a carton of month old milk, a large bag of weed, and a few opened cans of Spaghetti O's. "Or go grocery shopping?" He slammed it shut.

"I don't have a lot of time, Jay. Don't waste it." She still stared down Sean, and though he was inches taller than she was, he was a little worried.

"I'm Sean." He introduced himself, extending out his right hand for her to shake.

"I didn't ask your name, kid. I asked who you are."

Biting his lower lip, Sean felt more and more that this was a bad idea and that no matter what it was Jay had in mind, it wasn't the way for him to make money.

"Forget about that, Shelby." Jay latched his arm around her shoulder, his other hand feeling around for a cookie off the pan. "Sean needs a job, well, he needs money. I thought you were the girl who could help him out."

"I'm not a gigalo." Timidly, Sean's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Shut up, I'm not asking you to sleep with my sister." Jay shook his head and almost shouted.

"And I wouldn't pay you, too." Shelby sounded very insulted.

"Look," Trying to carry on with things, Jay continued. "Can you help him or not, Shelby?"

She pulled herself out of her older brother's arm and on her tip toes, she reached up to her freezer. She slid her arm all the way to the back and retrieved a few rolled up dollar bills that were tied together by an thick elastic band.

"I can only lend you, like..." She thumbed through the cash, counting it in her head. "I don't know, fifty?" She slid her eyes up to check Sean's.

"No, Shelby, I mean, can you give him a job?"

"I don't know Jay." She tied the money back up and placed it carefully in the freezer again. "What do I know about this kid?"

"What do you know about anybody who comes through here, hey?" Jay shrugged, trying to sell the idea to Shelby. "He's a good guy, he knows his stuff, he wouldn't rat you out."

"Kid," She nodded at Sean.

"It's Sean." He reminded her.

"I know." She frowed her brows down. "What do you know about Charlie?"

"Who?" Sean was completely dumbfounded.

"Sorry, I can't help you." She walked out of the kitchen nook on her way to let them out.

"Hold on," Jay lunged foreword and held her arm. "Give him a fair break."

She paused for a moment, thinking about it, and overlooking Sean once more.

"Charlie." She repeated. "Like, angel dust, powder..." She tried to help him out. She was cryptic in the most obvious way. Sean shifted his eyes back and fourth, trying to figure out this new riddle. He noticed the needle by pan of cookies and rubber band next to it. Like a spy, Shelby followed his eyes.

"Shit, who left this out?" She stormed over there and grabbed the needle and rubber band.

"Are you shooting up again?!" Jay was enraged. "Shelby, what the hell is the matter with you?"

It all became as clear as crystals to Sean now.

"Whoa, you're a drug dealer?!" His whole face looked like it was going to explode. He couldn't believe that Jay would be as cavalier as to drive him out to a drug dealer's house let alone try to get him a job as one.

"Why don't you just call the pigs right now?" Shelby stepped only centimeters away from Sean's face that he thought she was going to hold her palm over his mouth. "And I'm not a drug dealer." She shook her head.

"Are you shooting junk again?" Jay was still pressing on.

"Shut up!" Sean and Shelby said almost at the same time. "Whatever it is you're doing here, Shelby, i'm not interested."

"That's okay." She backed off a little and for the first time, a bit of a smile appeared on her round face. "You seem like a good kid, I hope you can eventually rub off on my big jerk of a brother here." She winked at Jay. "It's cool if you don't want to traffic coke but, let me at least give you something."

All three of them walke dout of the kitchen nook and standing in the frame between the kitchen and the living room, Sean and Jay watched as Shelby got down on her stomach on the floor and reached underneath the TV stand. They could her her hand slapping the bottom of the wood.

"Here we go." Shr grunted. Her palm rolled into a fist, she got back on her feet and wandered over to them. She pulled up Sean's hand and opened hers over top of it. "You're going through a rough time, I get it, and if you need help, this is all I can do for you." That being said she let go.

"Oh, I don't need this." Sean looked down at the small bag of coke, it wasn't even a gram.

"That's what they all say." Shelby smiled. "Now, scat before I take it back." She walked the two boys to the door and before completely shutting it on them, she reached up and embraced her brother. He planted a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"Visit more, okay?" She asked him. Jay didn't say a word back, just nodded along.

"Bye." She waved and then quickly slammed the door.

"What is the matter with you?!" Sitting at his kitchen table, having a beer, Sean slammed his palm back down on the table.

"Are we still on this?" Jay sipped his beer back.

"Why would you even think i'd be interested? I'm trying to clean up my act, you know that!"

"You said you needed cash, you wanted my help. I helped my sister when she was trafficing weed, she's the most efficent clean dealer. You'd never get in trouble. Plus, three hundred a job, I thought you'd be kissing my shoes."

"Three hundred a job?!" Sean was started to re-think his desicion.

"Sean." Emma called out as she let herself into his apartment with the key he'd given to her.

"Just think about it." Jay quickly finished his drink and then got up from the table. He and Emma met in the frame of the kitchen and the doorway. "Have a good night, Nelson." He scoffed at her before letting himself out.

"I still don't know why you bother with him." She shook her head, her blonde locks tossing about neatly. She stood up straight for a kiss, the whole time, Sean was thinking about: Charlie.

**Chapter Two's on it's way. **

**Let me know what you think, please, please.**


	2. More Heat Than Light

Chapter Two: More Heat Than Light

On his way to work, Sean slapped his thumbs against the steering wheel a little off beat to the classic rock song playing on the radio. His mind drifting back and fourth between his night with Emma and how desperate he was for money. The cars in front of him were rolling along at a snails pace. Yawning, he slipped his hand in his pocket, midlessly. He looked at it as a sign, when he accidentally pulled out the baby bag of coke. In a rush he pushed it back in his pocket, staring into his rear view mirror to make sure no cops were around. Though he hadn't done anything he felt like he'd commited a crime. Just thinking seriously about asking Shelby for a job seemed like a crime. Still, he couldn't shake the idea. As soon as traffic began to pick up, he switched lanes, on his way to the stale beer and lysol apartment building Jay had taken to him the afternoon before.

_I should go._

_I should go._

The words ran through his mind with vivid colors, he could also hear Emma's voice stern and wise as always. The moment he reached the red door, he wanted to turn back. He spun around on his ankles but before he could make a break for it, he came face with face with Shelby. She was carrying a laundry backset full of unfolded clothing. She had a long tee shirt on that Sean could remember seeing Jay in when they first became friends.

"Sam, hey, buddy, how you doing?" She was a whole lot perkier today than she had been when they met yesterday.

"It's Sean." He corrected.

"Right, my bad. We'll talk business when I get inside." She picked her keys up from the top of the laundry bin and fiddled with them in the door. She had to get through four locks.

"Actually, you know, Shelby, I think -" She opened the door and wandered inside. She put the basket down at the door and then stood up to make eye contact with him.

She lowered her voice to a whisper and stood closer to him. Holding her hand against the door frame for balance.

"If you want another free grab bag, I'm sorry. I don't just give them out usually."

"Actually," He suddenly felt a little more at ease. The messy feeling in the pit of his gut was starting to be consumed by hope. "I wanted to inquire about that job. Jay says the pays good."

Shelby reached her head foreword, looking back and fourth in the hallway. All that she could see were a small group of Puerto Rican children playing with a Bop It five doors down. She clenched her hand around Sean's wrist and quickly pulled him inside. She stood against the door and quickly locked two of the locks.

"Are you serious?" Her voice sounded more professional now and her annuciation much clearer and thinner.

"I think so."

"That's not good enough. Jay might've mentioned that the pay is good but, did he also mention that this is a hard, dirty and careful business. No funny business, you're walking on eggshells the moment you walk in here."

"I just need the money." Sean coughed up some firmness into his tone.

"I do, too. That's why I can't just let you in here. I'm putting everyone's ass on the line."

"I know how this business works." He scoffed at her.

"Really?" Her eyes widened, even the bags underneath them grew. She crossed her arms and began to swish her mouth around like she did, habitually. "How many times have you trafficked cocaine before?"

Sean knew that he never had as did Shelby.

"I'll tell you what," She swallowed. "You come down here at one am tonight, I'll come with you on your first route. Just to try you out."

"Deal." Sean didn't think twice.

"Whoa, usually I don't do this to people I'm not friends with but Jay knows you and Jay doesn't screw around. You aren't screwing around?"

"I'll be here." Sean put on his armor the way she wore hers.

The alarm clock next to him was ticking louder than ever, Sean convinced himself it was a mixture of his nerves and anticipation. It was only tweleve thirty, but, he had no will to sneak out of his bed. Emma's thin body lay next to him and he checked the rise and fall of the sheets over her stomach. He wondered how he'd keep this from her, they swore from the start that their relationship would be secret free. He could recall telling her clearly, that communication was key. He felt like such a hypocrite but at the same time, he was in trouble, he was in debt, he was deseperate. Slowly and as silently as he was able to, he sat up in bed and planted his feet on the floor. He waited a moment after his mattress had creaked to stand up. He checked behind him to make sure Emma was still fast asleep. She looked so peaceful, he didn't want to wake her or disapoint her. He reminded himself that their one year anniversary was coming up and he had to buy her something incrediable, another reason to go through with this job. He fiddled in the dark over his dresser for an elastic band to tie his hair back.

"Sean?" Emma rolled over to his side. Her eyes still shut but, she was now clearly awake. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I didn't want to wake you. I just - I got a page from Jay." He lied.

"Is everything okay?" She yawned and groaned out. She was curling beneath the covers.

"Yeah, he needs a hand at work." He lied once more.

"He's at work? At this time?"

"He's got to finish fixing a cracked radiator." Another lie. It was all eating away inside Sean, he could feel it and it disgusted him.

"Alright." Emma fell back into slumber.

Letting out a sigh and not taking a second to talk himself out of what he was preparing to do, he pulled on his jeans that were on the floor and threw on his white wifebeater and zipped up his old charcoal hoody. He drove at a lightyear speed to Shelby's, he didn't want to give himself anytime to talk himself out of it. The moment he pulled up to her building he spotted her standing outside the door. She was putting out a cigarette on the cement and dressed in the same tee shirt he had seen her in earlier and a pair of jeans. She helped herself into his car and it was then, Sean noted that she was holding a bag of chips.

"Chips?"

"Drive." She ordered in one quick breath. She didn't even bother to throw on her seatbelt. Sean did as she said and turned back onto the freeway. "These aren't all dressed chips. Here's my secret," Sean was starting to get the idea all Shelby was was secrets and a french accent. "I buy myself a bag of chips, let my neighbors kids eat them, take the bag, put however many grams of snow ordered in it and then air seal it closed. Nobody ever knows."

Sean was disapointed in himself for finding that impressive.

"Don't you want to put your seat belt on?" His two prior experience with Shelby told him that she was highly consious about staying away from the cops. He had thought the first thing she'd do is put her seat belt on.

"Why?" She questioned like it was legitmate. "Turn down Bishop Grandin." She nodded and pointed at the street sign. Right away, Sean made a sharp turn. "You know where St. Vital Mall is?" She asked and watched for Sean's nod. His eyes were glued to the road, his palms sweating and stuck to the wheel. "Alright, we got to go to the back of the Esso in front of it."

"Do you always get high before you go out on a job?" He asked, it was hard not to notice the watery red iritation in her eyes.

"Sometimes. It makes me forget how stupid it can all be. Calms me down, you know?"

It was only a matter of minutes before Sean had reached their destination. He could see two guys who, as unwashed as they appeared, looked more vindictive than anyone he'd ever met. He paused before turning into the back lot.

"Dude, what's taking you?" Shelby hit her hands against the dashboard trying to reel Sean back in.

"I'm just thinking."

"I thought you wanted the job."

"Shelby, this is a big deal." He muttered.

"Alright, here's what you're going to do," She adjusted her poistion so she was facing him but could still see through a mirror if somebody approached their car. "You're going to walk right up to them with this bag, they'll ask if you're with Hogart and you're just going to nod. Make sure them give you the cash first, these guys are just two fifty flat. Then give them the bag of chips, they're not going to open it there because they aren't dumbasses. Shake hands with them before leaving, make sure it's a firm hand shake, don't leave them wondering or thinking they're stronger than you."

Sean had no clue how Shelby could do this so controlled and obident. She was a great deal smaller than these boys physically and she was only eighteen.

"Then, you're going to come in here and we'll take off. If you can do that, I'll consider you." She slouched back down in the car seat and handed him the chip bag with a lot of caution. As if she was giving him her newborn to cradle in his arms. "Hurry up!"

Sean wrapped his hand around the door latch, his whole body shaking and his heart pumping like the bass in a black metal song. He couldn't think clearly. Stepping out of the car, he tried not to let any thoughts slip into his mind. All he was thinking was "Don't think, don't think." And that seemed to help him walk foreword. Each step he took seemed heavier than the one before. Through the side mirror, Shelby watched on. Under the flickering streetlight, Sean could tell the guys were taller than him but nowhere near as much bicep than he had. That comforted him slightly. He let the bag hit the side of his leg while he walked. When he got face to face with the guys he noted their facial hair, one had a goatee while the other had a mustache and goatee. Their hair was slicked back and as black as raven's. Their eyes were pale and sticky from how stoned they already were.

"Hogart?" The taller of the two asked, his leg convulting. Sean took a second before nodding to swallow the lump forming in his throat. Hungry and greedy, the guys hand reached out for the chip bag but, Sean's quick reflex took it back.

"Two fifty?" He asked, his eyes tough as nails. He couldn't believe those two words came out of his mouth. The one guy dug into his sweatpants pocket and pulled out a crumpled wad of bills. Sean counted them over as quick as he could and when it all appeared to be there, he handed them the bag. Then, he turned around to leave. Deeply, he sighed, feeling so relieved. He had a small crack of a smile on his lips. All he wanted to do was return to his place and sleep next to Emma. When he got closer to his car his eyes met Shelby's glare and he almost wanted to walk home, that's how terrifying it was. He slipped back into the driver's seat and slid the keys in the ignition.

"You nimrod!" She slapped the back of his head. Sean had only met Jay's mom once but, more and more he could see the resemblence of her in her daughter.

"What?" He rubbed the back of his head while driving out and trying to get back onto the freeway.

"You didn't shake their hands! Always shake their hands! I told you to shake their hands!" She ranted over and over. "This is a serious business, this isn't fixing cars!" She shot.

"Hey!" His defenses grew enraged. He had all of what he could take of Shelby Hogart's attitude and bossiness. "I did your job for you, just can it and give me my three hundred bucks."

Shelby's eyes grew so big it looked as if her eyebrows were going to pop right off the top of her head.

"Don't you talk to me that way, I am your boss." Sean hated the sound of that. "I'm just giving you some constructive criticism and if you think for a second that that job was worth three hundred, you're more diluted than you look." She rubbed her eyes. "That was a cheap job, I never dish out the expensive jobs to newbies."

Sean's face crumpled into let down and anger.

"Tommorrow, on your lunch break, meet me at Sarpino's on Kenaston. I'll give you a three hundred job."

Sean just drove along. He wanted to drop off Shelby as quick as he could so he could go home and rest by his girl. He wanted to try and forget about this evening. It was already quater past two.

"I like you, kid. I do. You learn how to shake hands at a deal and who knows, a few months, I'll be giving you a thousand per route."

Sean liked the sound of that. This beast was catching up to him.

You'll have to wait till Chapter Three to find out what happens.

Let me know what you all think.


	3. Rapture

Chapter Three: Rapture

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi but I created Shelby and Denis.**

Sean was more than aware of what time it was, ten minutes until he was supposed to meet up with Shelby. He was trying to keep himself busy at work, so he wouldn't have to think about it. Jay stood next to him beneath the old Chevy they had only recently started to work.

"I don't like this, Jay." Sean wiped some fluid on his uniform. "I mean, I don't like lying to Emma and I'm already walking a thin line when it comes to the law."

"Then, don't do it. Stop complaining, you sound like Paige." Jay scoffed. Sean had been babbling about the same thing for the last half hour and all Jay wanted to do was finish re-wiring the breaks to the truck.

"Tell me this," Sean stopped what he was doing and turned to face Jay. "Doesn't it bug you that this is your sister's profession?"

"What?" Jay didn't catch on, he continued on with trying to ply off the old wires.

"You know, dealing, trafficking. Doesn't it put you off?"

"Not really." Jay shrugged. He didn't even bother to change his voice to a softer tone. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing. "I get free grass from it, so I can't complain, right? Plus," Jay finally put down the pliers and stepped out from the under the truck. He shuffled his hands through his backpack and pulled out a DVD that had yet to be opened.

"Dude, that movies not even in theatres yet!" Sean exclaimed in a whisper tone, taking the movie from Jay's hand and looking it over. "How'd you get this?" He was marveled by the whole thing.

"That's why my sister's career choice does't bug me." He took the movie back and zipped it up in his backpack. Immeaditly, he went back beneath the truck, Sean following. "I feel lucky to have a sister's whose got the best connections on the black market."

"I just would've thought you'd want her to have a good life."

"She does have a good life." Jay said casually. "If she was still living with my mom and doing nails, she wouldn't."

Sean didn't say a word, he figured that Jay was a lost cause. He shouldn't of even thought for a second that Jay would care about somebody else, even if it was a family member.

"Look, Sean," Jay tossed the pliers back in the red tool box next to them. "Shelby does what she does and I don't interfere. I do what I do and she doesn't butt in. We know better not to mess around with each other's lives. Just," Jay sighed, tugging at the wires with his oil stained hands. "If you notice her shooting up, let me know, okay?"

Sean just nodded.

"Now stop being a damn pansy and help me out."

Laughing a little, Sean stepped over but before he could really check out what Jay had completed so far, he noticed Emma out of the corner of his eye. She had her hair down and framing her face and she looked all done up, just for him. She was even wearing the flattering polka dot dress Sean had mentioned to her that he liked a lot.

"Hold up." He patted Jay on the back.

"What are you doing here?" He pulled her closer for a quick kiss.

"I thought I'd take you out on your lunch break."

_Lunch break. _Sean snapped back into his double life. His eyes slid up to the clock on the wall behind Emma. He should've already been on his way to Sarpino's.

"You know, Em, I'm going to have to take a rain check."

"Oh." Emma's voice was a combonation betrween disapointment and a little shock.

"I've got to go meet someone."

"Can I come with you?" She questioned, massaging Sean's arm with her hands that were smoother than butter.

"No." He snapped, taking his arm out of reach. He was all sorts of antsy. Jay was listening in behind them, chuckling to himself. "Sorry, I gotta jet, Emma." He kissed her once more and then rushed past her and out of the shop.

"Looks like it's just you and me." Jay taunted, rubbing his hands on a dirty cloth and taking strides over to her.

"I'd rather drink radiator fluid." She spat back.

"That can be arranged, Nelson." Jay winked own at her and wandered by.

Sarpino's was jammed back like most resturants at lunch time. Sean was out of breah, he ran all the way from his car that he'd parked three blocks down to the resturant. He scanned his eyes around the resturant, adults in business suits chomping on pizza and pre-teens laughing too loud and grease on their fingers filled the place. Behind two laughing high school boys with caps lazily on their messy hair, Sean spotted Shelby looking annoying in her white gypsy dress which made the illusion of her being a skelton even more believable. Her arms were like sticks and Sean could see every vein running through out her body and her bones were just about sticking out. He imaginged that was just weight loss from all the cocaine she'd most likely been snorting. It was comforting to him that she had a little podge for a stomach or she'd be disgustingly skelton like. Her dark eyes were dilated bigger than imaginable and scanned the room for him. Finally, their eyes locked and she just shook her jaw at him.

"You're late." She stated the obvious as he approached the green and red table.

"Work, you know."

"Yeah, no shit." She handed him a brown paper bag with a wine bottle inside it, looked to be red.

"What are we celebrating?" Sean almost pulled the bottle out of the bag but Shelby snapped too quickly.

"You don't catch on do you." She shook her head. "Don't open that until you get in your car. The address is on the bottom of the bottle." She instructed him, getting out the plastic seat and heading to the door. Sean was right behind her. "Puncuality is a requirement in this field. Alright?" She asked rhetorically. "Being a minute late or a week late is what determines your life span in this business. Now stop checking out my ass and scat!" She demanded stopping at the bus stop. Sean hadn't been looking at her ass at all but when she said that, he did sneak a peek. Only, she didn't have an ass. That's how small she was, she was so small she was assless. Perhaps, it was just the street sweeping skirt hiding it. She ran her hand beneath her nose and inhaled, deeply. Sean stared at the red marks beneath her nostrils. "Oh, and tonight, around eleven, come to my place. I got a lot of orders to send out."

"Okay." Sean agreed like a timid field mouse. Sean walked a few paces from her and then stopped himself to turn back. "How much is this?"

"This job?" She asked, lighting up a cigarette cautiously.

"Yeah." Sean tried to sound assertive but he always felt so out of place around Shelby. She balanced the smoke between her lips and itched through her unwshed and greasy hair.

"Man, that's all you guys think about. Your money, my money." She rambled. "I'd say after tonight, you'll of paid off this months rent and you'll be able to buy the girlfriend a meal somewhere nice." She shrugged, taking a long drag and then letting it out without an attempt. This whole thing was all too natural. Still, Shelby's answer spread a vibrant smile on Sean's face.

"How'd you know I had a girlfriend?" He asked, curiously.

"I don't just hire any Joe off the street, Sean Cameron." She let him know she knew all about him. "I haven't been to Wasaga in years." Sean was starting to get sort of spooked.

"Alright, see you." He began to walk away.

"Don't forget to shake hands!" She yelled without even turning to watch him leave. Sean just sort of smirked at the sound of her shout.

Later that night, Sean piled into his car. He had good music pumping through the speakers, the roads were good and he would've made a considerate dent in his debt as of tommorrow. Maybe, Jay was right. You have to do what you have to do. Upon pulling up to Shelby's apartment, it was a less creepy than it had been the times before. He let himself in and actually said 'Hello' to the hookers working outside and the boys playing a game of dice in the parking lot. He felt like he belonged here and that was comforting. He knocked twice on Shelby's door and could hear the sound of her laughing - almost cackling inside, and a mix of party music.

"Come in!" Shelby yelled between laughter. He wrapped his hand around the door knob but before he could push it open, his cellphone began to sing. He fished for it with his free hand and let himself in.

"Hello?" He asked, closing the door behind him.

"Sean?" Emma could hear the noise through the phone. She pulled some strands of hair behind her ears and frowned her eyebrows down, all in attempt to hear him. "Where are you?"

"I'm at work." Not a complete lie. He closed the door behind him and locked it behind him the way Shelby yelled at him, too.

"At the shop?" Emma inquired.

"No, uh yeah." He nodded, he could barely hear her through all the noise. Shelby's apartment looked just as it always did except for a passed out guy laying on his belly on her beat up couch whose words were slurred but his voice still bellowed through out the room. Shelby was set up in one of the lawn chairs with a few cardboard boxes around her and she seemed to be writing in Sharpie on the boxes and then would switch to ballpoint pen when scribbling on a sheet of paper in front of her. Also, she would occasionaly pulling the weed the man was smoking from his lips and take a hit, then return it back to his mouth.

"Get your ass in here, Sean!" She yelled.

"I have to go, Emma."

"Okay, call me back!" Emma said all at once before Sean hung up.

She was begining to feel very suspicious.

"Sean, alright, I've already got this all organized. Just a few more things to do." She said very professionally but in a rush. "Have a seat, all be a minute." She slapped the lawn chair next to her, quickly. Sean adjusted the hat on his head and watched what Shelby was doing. The song on her turntable quickly swicthed and he picked up the album case next to it.

"Blondie?" He asked. Shelby was all about surprises.

"Plastic Letters, their best album in my opinon."

"This is my theme song!" The guy on the couch called out, lazily. Sean and Shelby just laughed.

"That's Denis." She slid her brown eyes up at Sean and let him know.

"Where's my shit, women?" The guy hollered at Shelby. He sounded angry and Sean almost wanted to tell the guy to shut up. Sean just watched to see what Shelby would do next.

She sighed, exasperated and then slid her hands down her knees, playing with the frayed and dirty end of her dress.

"Sean," She turned her eyes at him. "Could you seal these boxes for me?" She got up and handed him a roll of translucent duct tape. "Make sure they're tight." She walked right by him and into her kitchen nook. Sean couldn't believe it. Shelby seemed like the type of girl to bark right back at the big burly man obviously toasted out his tree on her couch but, she just abided to what he said.

"Wanna hit?" The man slurred his words and offered the pot to Sean but, Sean just shook his hand and turned it down. "More for me." The guy turned onto his side and continued to take hit after hit. Sean tried to ignore him and continue taping the boxes. They were filled with big coke bags enough to fill a whole aisle of chip bags. Shelby reappeared from the kitchen with all sorts of items and products in her hands. She returned to her seat and set all the stuff on the ground, except for a small soup bowl.

"Denis gets grumpy without his crystal." She said while picking up a solvent. Sean had really only smoked pot when it came to drugs. He never bothered with the other mostly, cause he didn't have the money. Also, the girls he dated like Ellie or Emma always were so against it and Tracker was, too. But, watching Shelby mix the ingredients for meth only made him thankful he was smarter than to get mixed up in that. Little did he know, he was already swallowed into that business. First, she mixed together drain cleaner and lighter fluid, followed by a fistful of over the counter medications, then some iodine crystals, paint thinner and red phosphrous basically the stripe on a matchbook. It made Sean sick to his stomach, just the sight of it, the smell made it worse. Even Shelby's face crumpld up as she was mixing it all together. Once she had finished her concotion, she handed it to Denis, who sat up straight and anxious like a little boy waiting for his Kraft Dinner at the table. It all seemed so routine, Sean hadn't seen much like it before.

"I'm going to let you these routes alone. Don't come back till you've got rid of all the boxes." She told Sean while walking back into the kitchen and putting away all her supplies for meth.

"I'm going alone?" Sean imagined with all the boxes, five to be exact, this was a big shipment which would stereotypically mean scary burly guys with hamstrings the size of kentucky and harder than steel. Also, fully loaded guns in their ass pockets.

"Yeah. The address is on one of the boxes. The parking attendant at the motel you'll have to drive through will let you know what to do. I let him know I was sending a newbie."

"What are you doing?" Sean watched her take out a five dollar bill from the freezer and roll it into a small stick.

"I just want to get myself ready." She played with the rolled bill between her fingers. She was already high from the pot and Sean figured she meant, she needed to snort a gram. "Then, i've got to go catch an order at the airport. Busy night. I haven't slept in days." She yawned and fell back against her kitchen counter, closing her eyes.

"Could that be all the chemicals you do?"

Her eyes slowly fanned opened and slithered into Sean's wide awake pupils. She just smirked and chuckled lightly.

"You don't get to judge me." She stated, simply. "Ecspecially, not when I'm saving your ass. I'm your best source of income." She was the boss and he was the puppet, it all became clear to Sean but, he accepted it. "Anyways, come bck once you're done." She pushed herself off the counter. "I'll help you carry the boxes to your car." She put down the rolled money and stacked one box onto the other. Denis was occupied and happy with his meth. "Don't break anything, I'll be back in a second." She picked up the two box tower and Sean carried the other three out. When walking out the door, he noticed a needle that looked used and the same rubber band he had seen days before. He thought about what Jay said and about what Shelby had said when it came to judging her. He just erased it from his mind. He wanted to get the night over with.

"Does Denis come over a lot?" He asked slamming down his trunk. The boxes securly inside.

"Yeah, only when he needs a big fix. If he freaks you out kid, don't even worry about it." She laughed, tossing her hand back and fourth. "He'll be gone by the time you get back. If I'm not here, climb through the fire escape. I'll have an envelope on my bed with your name on it."Sean was all ears as he sat down in the driver's seat. She held onto the roof of his car and stuck her head in. "Trust me, you'll be more than happy with what's inside."

"I'm sure I will be." He smiled back and turned on the ignition. She slammed the car door and scurried back inside.

_So, let me know what you guys all think. I apperciate any comments._

_I just thought I'd put here what the titles are named after._

**Here Comes A Regular - The Replacements**

**More Heat Than Light - The Veils**

**Rapture - Blondie Denis is also a Blondie song**


	4. Spark

Chapter Four: Spark

DISCLAIMED: I don't own Degrassi. I did create the character Shelby, though.

"I'm telling you, Manny," Emma held her mug of tea firmly between her two hands, letting the steam wither past her face and the heat keep her skin warm. "He's acting like such a freak. Like he's hiding something."

"Guys always are." Manny stirred more sugar into her tea to try and hide the herb taste in it.

"I don't know what he's up to but, he's always running off and sneaking around."

"How long has it been going on?"

"I don't know. A week and a while." Emma shrugged. "He won't tell me what's going on."

Before the could continue with their conversation, Sean wandered out of the bathroom and back into the Simpson/Nelson kitchen where the girls were sitting drinking their tea.

"Miss me?" He teased as he sat back down next to Emma, planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Yes." Emma smiled at the feeling of his lips pressed against her skin. "The kettles on the counter, if you want some tea."

"I'll pass, thanks." Sean just grinned and placed his hand on her back.

"Wise choice." Manny nodded, her face scrunching together as she swallowed a little sip of tea.

Before, Emma could retort or defend her tea selection, the door bell rang through out the entire place.

"I'll get it." Emma pushed out of her chair and quickly dashed to get the door. She opened it all the way to reveal a bone rack brunette in clothing that looked like it was about the fall off her. "Hello?" She asked with a questionable look.

"Is Sean here?" The girl asked. Sean darted his head foreward to see who it was at the door. He recognized the voice and sure enough, there on Emma's door step was Shelby.

"Yeah, uh, who are you?" Emma asked polietely while crossing her arms. Sean jetted to the door and behind Emma, he waved his hands around to let Shelby know that this wasn't the best time or idea.

"I'm Shelby, a friend of Sean's." She continued, trying to figure out what Sean was doing. She squinted her eyes down and tried to see clearly. He was hard for her to read, even though she wasn't stoned or anything. Emma could feel Sean behind her and stared up at him. Shelby finally caught on that Emma hadn't a clue about Sean's part time job with her. "Sean's been helping me with my ..." She tried to think quickly. "My dog, Charlie, he's been sick and Sean just seems to know how to help him out. I just wanted to drop by and thank him." She grinned as big as she could, her complexion becoming more pale. Sean let out a sigh of relief and let his shoulders down.

"Oh, it's not a problem, Shelby. I just hope Charlie gets better." Sean played along and Emma stood between the two liars, buying every word. Manny listened in from the kitchen table.

"How do you two know one another?" Emma asked, pressing her back against Sean's chest and reaching for one of his hands to hold.

"Oh, I'm Jay's sister." Shelby finally told the truth.

"Jay has a sister?!" Emma was completely dumbfounded.

"I don't know why he doesn't talk about me more. I'm not as awful as the rest of the Hogart's." She laughed.

"Why don't you come in? We were just having some tea." Emma was interested now and after all, she had a history with Jay, she wanted to get to know his so-called sister.

"I'd love too, thank you."

Sean was scared out of his mind the moment she answered. Emma clapped her hands together and passed right by Sean with a smile on her face, she returned to the kitchen to pour their new guest a cup of herbal tea.

"What are you doing here?" Sean closed the door behind Shelby and whispered in a hasty tone.

"I needed to give you something." She answered back feeling uncomfortable by his voice.

"How'd you know to find me here?"

"They don't call me the Magic Mushroom for nothing. I have a way of finding out things." She joked.

"You shouldn't be here, Emma doesn't know that I - I..." He couldn't bring himself to admit it out loud. It was difficult to even confess silently in his mind.

"That you're a big bad hard-done criminal." Shelby teased, lightly. "Calm down, I just wanted to give you this." She pulled a Play-Dough can out of her purse. "You know the Choirgirl motel? Where you met the DiJoesph girls?" She asked almost under her breath.

"Yeah." He sniffed the carton. It smelt different than most of the chemicals Shelby dealt.

"This is for them. It's laced with crack, if you're trying to figure out what it is." Sean just shoved the carton in his backpack by the door.

"Your teas ready!" Emma called from the kitchen. Manny was dying to get the details on their visitor.

"Get it their by two pm, alright?" He could tell that wasn't really a question by the serious look pushing out of Shelby's eyes. "Here." She fished out an envelope with his name written across it from her purse. "It's for today and two nights ago."

Sean didn't even check, since he'd started helping Shelby out two weeks ago, he'd paid off all his owed rent and was able to buy Emma an over priced anniversary gift. He couldn't be happier. Shelby walked past Sean and into the kitchen.

"Shelby, this is Manny, my best friend." Emma was sitting at the table and Shelby reached foreward to shake Manny's hand. She was trying as hard as she could to appear civalized. "Manny, this is Jay's sister."

"Jay has a sister?!" Manny couldn't believe it, she spit her tea back into's cup.

"I'm going to have to have a talk with that boy." Shelby joked, taking a seat in front of a deserted chair with a large mug of tea in front of it. She took a big sip and enjoyed it immensely. "This is great."

"Really?" Emma was so pleased. "I'm happy you like it. Nobody else seems to." She scanned her eyes into Manny's and then Sean's, who had taken a seat next to her once more.

"So, Shelby, what do you do?" Emma asked, leaning foreward. She seemed genuinly interested.

Sean searched Shelby's shocked pale face in hope she'd have a good lie to sell.

"I'm in sales." She didn't even have to lie, she just held the mug over her lips to hide her smile.

"Really? What do you sell?" Manny pressed.

"Pharmacueticals." Shelby was about to burst into a fit of giggles but Sean kicked her beneath the table. She put the mug down and fixed her face. "I'm a pharmacist." She settled on saying. "Anyways," She wanted to take the conversation away from her. "Emma, Sean tells me you're an enviromentalist. I think that is so important. I'd love to hear more, I'm all about natural ingredients." She bit her lip and joked but only Sean understood it.

"I'm happy that Sean's finally making friends who understand what danger our enviorment is in." Emma was set to talk for hours and Shelby couldn't feel more relaxed.

After an hour of gabbing and herbal tea, Shelby made her exit. Emma and her had exchanged cellphone numbers, they had hit it off so well. Manny wasn't at all impressed with Shelby's wardrobe or lack of body image but, she figured that she was a Hogart so it was understandable. Sean was just relieved that his cover didn't get blown.

"I like her a lot." Emma wrapped her arms around his waist and he snuck his around hers.

"I'm glad." Sean watched out the living room window as Shelby dashed in front of the street and through the park field outside. She had already lit up a smoke and had her cellphone whipped out.

"Why didn't you tell me you were helping her with her dog?"

"Oh, uh," Sean tried to fish out a lie that wasn't really a lie, the way Shelby could. "I just - I know you don't like Jay and I didn't want you to get upset." And with that, he had done it. A lie that wasn't completely false.

"Sean, I love animals. I wouldn't get upset."

"I know. I should've told you." He looked down into her eyes that were blankly searching his face. He checked her wrist watch and noted that he had an hour until he had to meet the DiJoesph girls. "I haven't been as attentive lately, have I?"

Emma just shook her head.

"Well, now that Manny's gone and Shelby..." He took Emma's hand and went to lock the front door. "You parents aren't going to be home for a few minutes, will they?"

"So?" Emma was getting sort of excited by his excitment and adventure.

"Let's see what we can do." He winked and led her down to the basement, so they could be more comfortable.

Sean knocked on Shelby's red splattered door, it was almost three am. He was five minutes early, which was unusual for him. He knocked again, but still no answer. He couldn't hear any laughter or screaming coming from inside. He found out quickly that those were the only two sounds that were usually heard inside her apartment. He cuold faintly hear the sound of her turntable crackling and a vinyl long finished and still spinning, the needle scratching it's side. He knocked on the door again and again, but nothing. Of course, her door was locked, too. He knew he could try pounding it down but with all the locks she'd installed, it would never budge. The apartment elevator always took eons, so he dashed down the three staircases, taking the stairs by two. He was worried that she was dead or worse, the cops had got her. The priorities seemed out of order but that was always how Shelby viewed things. She'd rather be six feet underground than behind bars. She was wearing off on Sean. He climbed up her fire escape and reached the balcony window that led her living. Shockingly, it was locked. Sean could see through the crack in the blinds, a small body laying on the stained carpet, the turntable beside her and a broken bottle of whiskey around the feet of the body. He pulled a small pocket knife from his jean pocket and sliced through the screen on the door. Once he'd cut a big enough rip, He wrapped his hand inside the sleeve of his sweatshirt and after clenching his eyes closed and biting down on his lip, he smashed the sliding door open. Glass sprayed everywhere and mixed in with the whiskey. He fiddled with the lock on the sliding door and managed to let himself in.

Sure enough, the body belonged to Shelby. The needle he'd seen out every time he was at her place was next to her and the rubber band still around her upper arm. He got down on his knees, his jeans soaked in the whiskey. He tried shaking her first but, she didn't budge. He could feel a little bit of a pulse on her wrist but, she was icy cold and as pale as the winter snow in late October. He didn't know what to do. Usually, he'd call Emma but that was out of the question this time. Jay never seemed to be interested ni his sister unless she had pirated movies, bootleg CDs or pot for him. Still, Sean pulled out of cellphone and dialed his number.

I hope you guys are enjoying it. Tell me what you think.

**Spark - Tori Amos It's from the album Choirgirl Hotel. Also the song, She's Your Cocaine's on that album.**


	5. Kill The Messenger

Chapter Five: Kill The Messenger

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own degrassi. I only created the character Shelby.

Still dressed in his mechanic jump suit, Jay played with the beak of his ball cap while waiting for the doctors to come out. He hated how they came and went from Shelby's hospital bed however they pleased and they'd march right by him without any acknowledgement. His thoughts were munching away at him but, he didn't want to make that obvious to anyone. Sean strolled down the hospital hallway carrying two coffees in styrofoam cups. He handed one to Jay and then took a seat in the chair next to him.

"Thanks, man." Jay took the plastic lid off the cup and began to blow the heat off it.

"For calling you or for the caffiene?" Sean asked. Jay wished he had brought his flask to mix a little rye with his coffee. He didn't answer, he wasn't known for being a sennestive guy and he couldn't sense of what he was feeling right now - the worry, the hope, the bits of fear. "I know you said you don't care about what Shelby does with her life but, I just figured you were the best person to call."

"I know." He exhaled and agreed. "But, If I remember correctly," That natural know-it-all tone returned to Jay's voice as he closed his eyes and then opened them up, staring directly at Sean, who was drinking his coffee like it was oxygen. "I told you to tell me if you noticed she was shooting up."

"I didn't know she was." Sean shot back.

"How could you not? The symptoms are damn clear, you must've seen the needle looked used."

"I never asked her about what she did with the shit that came through her apartment. I just did my job. I didn't ask questions." Sean explained the best he could.

"Whatever."

The boys sat in silence, drinking their coffee and let it warm their freezing bones. Minutes turned into a half hour and that finished into an hour, before the nurse dressed in green scrubs wandered in front of them.

"Are you Shelby Hogart's family?" She asked while reading off her clipboard.

"I am." Jay sat up and waited for the answer to the questions nobody asked.

"Well, Miss Hogart woke up. She seems to be fine. She's confused to why she's here, hostile," The nurse went on and both Jay and Sean couldn't help but smile a little. It sounded like the normal Shelby. "She threatened to choke the other nurse with her tethiscope, but besides all that, she's revived. We've got her hooked up, trying to remove the herion from her cycle." The lady nodded. "Could you two come with me into an office?" Her tone became somber and she led the boys into a vacant room nearby. Uncomfortably, they sat down in two plastic chairs that had small doodles of crayon on their seats. The nurse left them alone once more but only moments later, a sun burnt doctor wandered in, completely dressed in his uniform.

"Well, she's back, that's most important." He got right down to the core of it while taking a seat on the otherside of the desk. "I can't say she's healthy. There's a superior mixture of cocaine and herion running through out her body. We're trying to flush it out and replace it with water and blood. But, I'm going to need, Mr. Hogart..."

"That's me." Jay nodded and sat straighter in the chair.

"Yes, Jason Hogart?" The doctor checked but Jay assured him that was him. "You're going to have to sign off on her departure paper. This is not a question or a choice, she has to go straight into ReHab. If she is to continue abusing drugs the way she has been, I don't even give her a month to live." The doctors analysis just rolled off his tounge. It was the first time in a while that Sean really realized what he was doing. The business he was could and would kill people. He wasn't offering a good resource to society. Jason didn't even read over the form, he just signed it that instant.

The doctor let the boys into her room where Shelby was sitting with her hair all over her face, her arms crossed over her chest and her legs crossed beneath the sheets. Her mouth was swishing around like it usually did and she was as unhappy as a girl could be.

"How you doin', Shelb?" Jay asked stepping closer to the bed.

"I think the more important question is," She took a deep breath. "Which one of you morons called an ambulance?" She almost screamed. Jay just pushed all the hair out of her face and behind her ear. Sean couldn't peel his eyes off the cords connected to her body or the holes lining her upper arms. "Who?"

"Me." Sean mumbled almost inaudiably.

"Why? Do you know that the cops basically have every right in the world now to storm my apartment?"

"Shelby, just -" Sean wanted to try to talk to her. He should've known that would be impossible at the moment.

"No! Kid, I've got enough snow in my place to take our obese society and make everybody have a weight identical to Mary Kate Olson's or Paris Hilton's sidekick. The illegal merchandise just under my bed is enough to found another ridculous Tom Cruise trilogy or Barbra Streisand reunion tour. I'm looking at ten to fifteen years behind bars where I'll have a master who weighs three hundred pounds named Beef with unplucked brows and who will brand my ass! You better count your damn blessings that I don't give the cops your name."

"I'm sorry." Was all he could to say but, really, Sean wasn't that remorseful. He still thought he'd done the right thing.

"Shelby, I've signed off," Jay could barely say the words. He remembered being told over and over to go to ReHab when it came to drinking. He remembered that even Shelby had asked him, too. He couldn't believe he was doing this to his little sister, the only family member he could tolerate. "I've signed off for sending you to,"

"You better say the circus, Jason, because if I hear ReHab come out of your mouth, I will get Denis on your butt." She got herself all in a dizzy huff. Her fingers scratched at the red thatseemed to stay permanetly beneath her nostrils.

"You have to go. It's the doctor's order."

"Oh." Closing her eyes and blinking rapidly, Shelby exhaled. "I can't believe this. This is all your fault, Kid." She nodded at Sean.

"Hey!" He jumped up from his chair ready to yell. The adult-look in Jay's eyes surprised him so much that he stopped. It was all so forgien to everybody in the room.

"I'll take care of your apartment, okay?" Jay sat on the edge of her hospital bed, rubbing her ankle over the covers.

"Sean," She looked at him once more with dead eyes and a pale face. "Will you take care of my business while I'm away?"

He thought about it for a few moments and then just nodded. He wasn't sure how he'd do this or get out of it.

"Shelby," He stepped closer and dragged his chair close to her bed. "Before you got into this...profession, what'd you want to be?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, pushing her tonuge around.

"I don't know any little kids who dreamed about being drug dealers, what did you want to be?"

Shelby just giggled and for the first time, Sean saw her for what she was, a little girl.

"Do you remember that book you used to read to me back in Montreal? The only book you'd read to me, _Tu, Moi, et le Fromage_?"

Jay smiled a complete real smile, the first one Sean had ever seen on him. Even his blue eyes were shining.

"_You, Me and The Cheese_, yes I remember." He nodded.

"Yeah," She smiled in memory then turned her attention back to Sean. "It was a book about this brother and his little sister and when their parents put them to bed, they'd put on their astronaut pajamas and fly up to the moon. The whole time the sister is asking if they could eat the cheese that the moon is made of," She giggled with Sean and Jay. Sean and Jay felt like they were watching a little girl shrink back into her frail shell and just be herself, no masks, no identies, just Shelby. "And the brother keeps saying, that's just a lie, there is no cheese in space. Eventually, they find the moon and it really is made of cheese, so they eat it and that's why sometimes their's only a quater moon." She laughed.

"I hated that book." Jay revealed. "You'd make me read it over and over and every single night."

"I loved it." She confessed with wonder in her eyes. "I wanted to be an astronaut because of that book. I wanted to prove to Jay that there really was cheese on the moon. I mean, I figured out there isn't but, I still want to be an astronaut. I studied my butt off in school, I never got less than ninety five percent in any course. I wanted this."

"What happened?" Sean inquired, he was actually really interested.

"Life." She shrugged simply. "I met this girl and we became great friends, our brothers were both sort of troublemakers so we clicked right away. Anyways, I met her brother and he was a lot older than me and Jay but, he had the most amazing hazel eyes. Even though they were always blood shot -"

Jay cut her off. He wasn't able to listen anymore. It all just re-enforced what a loser he really was. He was a loser as a student, a son, a friend and, now as a brother. He just got up from the bed and told her to be quiet.

"I'm going to go to your apartment and pack up your shit." He swallowed and left the hospital room.

"Go with him, Kid." Shelby waved off Sean.

Emma put down the phone violently and folded herself in her bed, angry. She'd tried for the past two hours to get a hold of Sean. They had plans to go to a movie at six o'clock and it was quater after eight now. She wandered over to her sound system on her dresser and hit the play button with her index finger and let a pop melody float through the room. Before returning to her bed, she noticed an old pair of Sean's jeans on the ground by the dresser. She picked them up to check if his cellphone was maybe in the pockets. She reached her hand out and pulled the smallest plastic bag out filled with what looked like little sugar grains but she knew what it really was.

**Tell me what you think! **

**Kill The Messenger - Jack's Mannequin. **

**Chapter Six is on the way.**


	6. Grey Street

Chapter Six: Grey Street.

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Degrassi.**

Emma sat limply in the driver's seat of Snake's car. A whole waterfall of feelings were cascading through out her. She didn't know whether she should feel angry, disgusted, worried, caring, she just simply didn't have a clue. She was taken back by everything. She thought Sean was on the right track for the first time in a long while. She waited safe from the rain in the parking lot of the autobody shop where Sean worked full time. Through her bangs, she noticed Jay and Sean walking out of the shop together in their autobody jumpsuits. They were carrying a few empty boxes into Jay's car. Taking everythnig in, Emma watched like a professional fly on the wall. Once they both secured themseleves inside Jay's car and turned onto the main road, Emma followed. She was going to figure out what was going on the way that seemed the smartest to her. It worried her that they were headed to the part of town known for infected hookers, crack laced apartments and daylight robberies. The emotion inside her that wanted to be caring about Sean's habit quickly faded and worry took over. Consiously, she pressed her finger down on the automatic lock when they turned onto 55th and 3rd. A few blocks down and Emma had followed them all the way into a parking lot outside of a ratty apartment building on Grey Street. She parked across the street and watched them outside her rain streaked window. Jay rushed out of the car first and pulled as many boxes as he could carry from his trunk. Much slower, Sean appeared out of the car and grabbed what was left of the boxes and then slammed the trunk down. Emma was careful not to blink so she wouldn't miss a movement. Once they'd both fully gotten inside, she took a large breath to assure herself - assure herself of what she didn't know. She just wasn't ready to expose Sean's double life to herself. She just sat and began to sing nursery rhymes in her head.

"Let's just get this over with." Jay fiddled with every lock to fully open the apartment door. Sean looked at the mess that was still laying all over the living room of the apartment. It was like time had stood still, he could still picture Shelby just laying there in her child like form in the puddle of glass and whiskey - a smile lifeless but clearly on her ghostly pale face. "I'm going to go to her bedroom and pack up some stuff for her to take to ReHab, can you tape the balcony door and then box up some of the snow and grass." Jay instructed like he was suddenly in charge of this business that Shelby had built with her own shaking hands. Sean wasn't in the mood to bicker, he figured Jay would know the best way to handle this. Shelby was his sister. He found the duct tape where it usually was and began to do his best handy work on the door he broke while Jay boxed up all of Shelby's beloved vinyls. Shelby didn't own very much so it only took Jay fifteen minutes to gather the things she'd need or want while in rehabilitation. He came out of the room and left the two boxes to take to her by the door. The orders of coke, weed and anything else Jay figured would have to stay at his place right now. While Sean finished cleaning all the glass on the carpet, Jay got to organizing what goes in what box. He channeled his memory for how Shelby used to sort this out.

"There's got to be like five thousand dollars worth just in this box." Sean said cradling a large bag fullin his arms. Even though, he had seen this whole drug dealing business take him from the top to the bottom in two weeks, he still felt like Al Pacino did in all those gangster films. He took a seat on one of the lawn chairs and placed the bag over top the others. "Hey Jay, do you think," He waited for Jay to stop taping up a box of weed but, he never did. "What if you and me continued her business for her? While she's in Rehab?"

"Are you insane?!" Tears sitting beneath her eyes and shaking angry, Emma stood in the doorway, dangling the grab bag of cocaine between her fingers. Sean's eyes averted upwards at her and then he jumped to his feet. He hadn't a clue how he'd weasel his way out of this mess squeaky clean. However, it did make Jay stop taping the box and look up.

"I can explain, Em." Was all Sean could manage to say, as cliche as it seemed.

"Save it." She tossed the grab bag at them and then turned around, her blonde hair slapping against her back. Sean just rushed out after her.

**This whole chapter was sort of a shout out to Dave Matthews.**

**Grey Street is a song by them as is Stolen Away on 55th and 3rd.**

**I know it was a short chapter but I wanted to leave it as a cliff hanger.**

**Read and Review, my lovelies.**


	7. Ain't No Sunshine

Chapter Seven: Ain't No Sunshine

**DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Degrassi**.

The rain was throwing itself down upon them and pavement ground as Sean sprang from the apartment door moments after Emma had.

"Stop." He called at her as her soaking blonde locks smacked her back. "Emma, stop and hear me out." He took large strides so he could catch up to her.

"Why, Sean? You're a drug dealer?!" She turned around her hair smacking his face. His fair too was sticking to his skin, soaking wet.

"I'm not -" He sighed. "I'm not a drug dealer."

"Fine, you're a drug addict? 'Cause guess what, Sean? Neither is better than the other!" She would've screamed but , she was much to shunned with you.

"I'm not a drug addict, get your facts straight." He scoffed, squinting his eyes down and shaking his head.

"Is this what you've been doing? You're not helping anyone with their sick dog, you're helping run some drug market?"

Sean swallowed his pride along with the lump stuck in his throat.

"Look, Em, if you knew how badly in debt I was -"

"I would've helped you out." She cut him off with her own answer. "That is not an excuse, Sean. There is no justification. This is illegal, I don't care how in debt you were. If you needed help, I would've found a way to help you. There is always something else before this." She explained. Behind Sean, in the distance with his baseball cap firmly on to try and shield him from the rain, Jay was loading his vechile with the now packed boxes. "I thought you were smarter than to go to Jay for help."

"Don't bring him into this." He sighed, exasperted.

"So, that Shelby girl? She isn't a pharamcist, is she?"

"Not the dictionary defintion of it, no." He shook his head. Emma just stood under the rain for a moment, feeling her lungs fill up with water. She hadn't a clue what to do next. Everything seemed to be blurred from the rain. In the tense pause, Sean ran his hands through his soaking mane and let out a groan.

"So you've been lying to me this whole time?"

Sean only nodded, he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.

"How could you do that, Sean? How could you do that for so long? I don't think I could. It would eat away at me."

"It has been, Em." He jumped foreword to get closer to her and hold her arms in his hands, trying to prove his point. "I wanted to just stop it and tell you but, and I'm aware of how messed up this sounds," He took a breath before his confession. "I'm good at this," He chuckled to himself but, Emma seemed to miss to the humor of it all. "I'm really good at this and for the first time a long time, I'm making enough money to support myself and to -" Then he remembered, their anniversary was in two days. He fished inside his pocket and pulled out a small little velveteen box.

"Sean, no." She shook her head and reached behind her to open her car door.

"It was for our anniversary but, since that probably won't be happening." He opened the box and through the reflection of her rain covered window she could see a little silver charm sitting in the box. "It was for your bracelet." He shrugged, holding it out for her to take.

The charm was a small circle with E + S written on it.

Emma turned around to get a better look and like any girl, she was touched by the sweet gesture but, she quickly snapped herself back into reality.

"Sean, I just don't see - I just don't see how I can forgive this. I should call the cops right now." She pulled herself into the front seat of the car and out of the rain.

"Don't do that!" He said quickly and leaned foreword, holding onto the frame of the door. "Please, don't call the police, Emma. Just take this." He left the charm with the box in it on her dashboard and then closed the door for her. He knew now that he really had messed up. He watched Emma drive off Grey Street and then, in defeat, he turned back into the parking lot and let himself into the passenger seat of Jay's car.

"Blondie and you pull the plug?" Jay turned the key in the ignition.

"Just drive." Sean stared at his lap and pulled on his seatbelt. The last person he was going to talk to about this was Jay.

"Fine, we have to drop some shit off at the rehab place, first."

And that was the last thing either of the boys said on their drive across town.

The rehab center was much nicer than Shelby's apartment building ever could dream of being. Jay just left the two boxes for Shelby with one of the receptionists and then helped himself to a fistful of mints from her candy dish. As he turned back around to get back into his car, he saw Shelby wander in, her big side bag slapping against her pale legs that were hidden beneath her white gypsy dress that just looked like a large sheet draped over her. She had huge avator sunglasses over her eyes, even though it was night time and pouring rain out. He was going to say something, something encouraging like any brother should but when his eyes glazed over the yellow hospital bracelet still on her right wrist it just made everything seem much more real. Suddenly, there wasn't anything encouraging about the situation. He just looked at her and how she was smiling weakly at him and walked by. As he was passing her, she took her child like hand and wrapped it around his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. She didn't turn her head back to look at him, though.

"Not so fast, big brother." She mumbled. He shook his arm from her grip and turned to her. "Do you have some time?"

"Not really." It wasn't a lie, Sean was waiting in the passenger seat of his car and was extremely hostile and bitter since the whole Emma ordeal.

She opened up her purse and pulled out a small plastic container with what appeared to be blueberry cheesecake and two plastic forks.

"I stole it from the hospital cafeteria." She said while shutting her purse. "Do you have time for cheesecake?"

In his head, Jay told himself no.

"You, me, and the cheese." She said with dead glossy brown eyes. Her pupils that usually shone the darkest almost ediable color of brown had turned meek. Reluctantly, he forgot about Sean in his car and they sat in two wicker chairs next to one another in the lobby of the rehabilitation center sharing a piece of cheesecake and trying to look like brother and sister.

"Took you long enough." Sean muttered.

An hour and a few stray minutes later, Jay returned to his car where Sean was still slouched and soaked in, grumpily.

"The doctor wanted me to fill out some forms and stuff." He pulled them out of the packed parking lot and back onto the freeway.

"And she's good?" Sean questioned.

"She's Shelby." Jay tilted his head to the side and shrugged his shoulders up and down. "If she finishes a 180 days of detox, she gets the choice to leave or not."

"Sounds like a cake wak." Sean mumbled, sarcastically.

"So, do you mean it?" Jay inquired.

"Mean what?"

"Do you really want to run Shelby's business while she's in there?"

"I don't know." Sean shrugged, his hair strating to friz out from rain. "I was thinking about it and if we continue to run it while she's in there then when she comes out, she doesn't really have the chance to start again. She'd jump right back into it again."

"I guess, I'll have to talk to Denis. He'll have to take care of it for awhile."

"Denis is her business partner?" Sean looked over to Jay, actually intrigued. Jay just turned his loud black metal music at full volume.

"Yeah." He said beneath the music.

"I never saw him actually do anything. Just crank the stuff."

"He was sort of Shelby's mentor, it was his business, she just runs it now." Jay spoke with his eyes focused on the road and sounded completely resigned. Sean had never experienced that side of him before.

"He's the guy, her best friend's older brother?"

"Bingo, Sherlock." Jay shook his head and tried to shake the sappiness that was bubbling in him. He couldn't stand it. "You know the DiJoesph sisters?"

"Yeah." They were regulars on Sean's route.

"The oldest one, Cynthia," Sean remembered her clearly, she was always well put together in the trashiest way. She was never without enough make up on to decorate a cake with and her hair was always pinned up but still greasy. Her clothing were the type that Lil' Kim would deem to trashy. "She was Shelby's best friend but, now they only see each other when she needs a hit. Shocking but surely, Shelby is the smartest one out of them all."

Shocking but surely, was the absolute truth. Sean just wanted out of this business but, he knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

_Another short chapter but I have all sorts of ideas for what's going to start to happen. _

_I'm not sure about how to execute it right now but I'll figure it out._

_Please read and reviews, dolls. _

**Ain't No Sunshine - Van Morrison**


	8. Man I Used To Be PT 1

Chapter Eight: Man I Used To Be

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi.**

Emma wandered through the tiled hallways that held pictures and plaques full of hopeful and inspiring words. Her hair was braided messily in two pigtail and the only hint of make up she had on was a little lip gloss. She didn't bother to put herself together today. It wasn't cause she was still glum over her break up with Sean, it had been two weeks and three days, she wasn't over it but, she was dealing just fine. She just didn't see the point in making any effort to look impressive during this meeting. She didn't even know what it was for.

When she finally approached the door, it was slightly open but, she couldn't really see any shadow of anyone inside. Cautiously, she knocked on it lightly letting it budge open a little more.

Inside the small bedroom, Shelby sat at a desk by the window where the sun warmed it's way through and shone over her. Shelby's back was turned to Emma and she came off oblivious that Emma was even there. The turntable was spinning on top of her unmade bed and the sounds of a an urban beat rang through out the room. She was hunched over the desk in sweat pants and tee shirt working on a jigsaw puzzle, putting one piece in and then taking it out, putting it in, taking it out, over and over again. Emma knocked again.

"I heard you the first time, cupcake." Shelby said without budging.

Emma let herself in, leaving the door wide open behind her.

"You didn't answer."

"Do you like jigsaws?" Finally turning to the side on her chair, so she could get a glance of Emma, Shelby asked.

Emma thought that was a bizarre questions.

"Is that why you asked me here? So we could talk about puzzles?" Emma squinted her eyes with so much hostility in them but, Shelby just laughed at the sight.

"Retract the claws, kitten. I wanted to check on how you were, I heard about the break-up."

"I'm fine, thank you." Emma said hastily. "I can't stay long, so, if you -"

"Have a seat." Shelby nodded at the bed and Emma sat down right beside the turntable.

Shelby put down the puzzle piece and with a big sigh, she got off the chair. She had gained a pound or two since she'd been there and she appeared a lot healither looking to Emma, still she looked as if she hadn't slept in days and looked a little ill.

"I hate jigsaws but, it's one of the few activties to do here. Besides ping pong marathons and movie nights."

"You don't like it here?" Emma questioned.

"Pippi," Shelby made reference to Emma's hairstyle choice. "I haven't had a hit in sixteen days, I'm not particularly fond of anything right now."

"I don't understand why you asked me to come here." Emma ignored Shelby's attempt at small talk.

"Here it is, when I was working with Sean all he did was talk about you. Well, more or less." She bobbed her head and shrugged her shoulders down. "He talked about how he knew how much you'd hate this and how pretty you looked that morning that he didn't even want to go to work. He even said that if you asked him to quit trafficking, he would."

Emma didn't understand this. The Sean she ended things with seemed to quite enjoy his career choice.

"I don't - I don't," Emma hadn't a clue what to say.

"But, I guess since you didn't know, you couldn't ask him to quit. I just want you to at least talk to him. It's none of my business but, -"

"That's for damn sure." Emma added in.

"But, he's crazy about you. Now, I've never really been in a real relationship but, if you could just hear him out and he could hear you out, I think that'd do a world of good for the both of you."

Emma did miss Sean. She could admit that - to herself and anybody who asked, but he had sucha knack when it came to messing up and dealing drugs was something Emma was more than against. She'd tie herself to the train tracks before she'd snort coke. She couldn't understand why anybody would ever do it.

"Shelby, you're right, this is none of your business." Emma got up, spreading her hands down her jeans and walking herself to the door.

"He's good, you know." Shelby moved over to the turntable and picked up the vinyl to switch sides. Emma stopped in her tracks, suddenly Shelby had her interest. "He hasn't come by to visit me or anything but, Jay tells me that he's been working at their auto body shop and hasn't talked to any of my clients." Emma shifted her head back to listen. "He's a good guy, he just got in with the wrong crowd." Shelby stated, putting on a new song. Emma was ready to turn around when a nurse appeared in the door and told Shelby to make her way down to the cafeteria for lunch.

"See ya, Pips." Shelby winked, as she brushed by Emma.

Late in the evening but, the sun still glistening while fading, Emma made her way in front of Sean's apartment building. She wanted to go inside and do just as Shelby instructed - hear him out and let her listen to him but, her pride built a wall that she couldn't surpass. She just stood straight as a pin looking at the building like it could pull her in. She saw Sean's car in the parking lot, so she knew he was inside probably hunched over his kitchen table that was covered in papers, eating a microwavable dinner and watching a repeat episode of Cops. She smiled at the picture of him that played in her head until she actually saw Sean walking to his car and unlocking it. As he climbed behind the wheel, he noticed her out of the corner of his eyes. A piece of a smile turned on his lips and then a look of shame covered him completely. Emma took a large inhale and then wandered over, wakling around the invisable wall.

"I think you should visit Shelby." Was all Emma could say.

"What?" Sean looked away from his shoes and up at her and how scared she appeared.

"I went by today, she called me. I think you should visit her."

"Do you want a ride?" He changed the topic.

"Sure." She nodded and Sean wandered out of his car and opened the passenger door for her.

They drove in silence, not even the radio on, just the swooshing of cars around them and the static the silence played between them.

"You look a lot better, you know, like you've been sleeping." Emma finally squeaked, looking him up and down out of the corner of her eyes.

"Thanks. You look like you always do," He turned his attention away from the road and checked her out. "Great."

"Will you hear me out?" She asked in a full voice.

"Okay." Sean agreed.

"I need to know you don't have the slightest desire to do the things you've done." She started with.

Short chapter, just leaving a bit of a cliff hanger.

Chapter nine is on it's way.

**Let me know what your thoughts are, pah-lease!**

**Man I Used To Be - K-Os The song fits Sean in this story perfectly**


	9. Man I Used To Be PT 2

Chapter Nine: Man I Used To Be Part Two

Chapter Nine: Man I Used To Be Part Two

DISCLAIMER: I only own the character of Shelby. Everything else is Degrassi's, not mine.

Pulling over, Sean was an empty kind of silent. He knew he didn't have a concrete answer to give to her and he honestly didn't actually have a clue what to say. He just sucked on the little amount of air he letting through his lips and tightened his grip on his steering wheel.

"Em, I don't know." He mumbled.

That wasn't what she wanted to hear. She felt like an idiot because she really wanted a magical television scene where he was heroic and poetic and she just melted inside of his arms, but she should've known better by now. Sean was never going to be like any leading man on the popular shows that she and Manny gushed over.

"Well, that's not good enough." Combing her hair between her ears with her fingers, Emma stared out of the car window. "I'll get out here." She spoke very softly. Her words floated quietly through the car.

"No, I'll drive you home."

"No, just drop me off." She insisted.

"Emma, I want to be with you. I'm not part of that business anymore."

"You and Jay didn't take over?" She finally gave him eye contact back. This was all news to her.

"No. I couldn't do and Jay decided if Shelby wanted a fair shot at sobriety that wasn't going to help."

"Look at that, you are capable of making wise decisions."

"I'm not proud of what I did, but I was totally desperate. I'm in a lot of debt and I have many expenses. I needed out."

"Are you out now?" She went back to staring with wandering eyes out the car window. The rain was slowing down and the sun seemed to have found holes in the clouds to peek out and shower down.

"Yeah. Things at the shop have picked up, so I'm really good in the line of right now."

Emma didn't say a word, but she was happy to hear that.

"Are you and I good?" He checked. He hadn't a clue what she would tell him about that.

Emma searched her mind filled with scattered thoughts. Of course, she loved Sean and she wasn't a stranger to his mistakes and flaws. Usually, she loved him more for them, but she had morale and her morale was against drugs completely.

"Maybe." Slipped out of her mouth.

Sean's lips broke out of their permanent frown and a teeth exposing smile spread over his face. That was better than what he had been expecting and was preparing himself for.

"Em." He breathed out and grinned. "Let's make this work." He reached for her knee and gave it a small squeeze.

"You have to talk to me when you're in a jam though, okay?" She said while feeling his arms with her shaking cold hands. Sean had yet to turn on the heat in his car. "Because you can't do something stupid like that again and I can't keep forgiving you." She warned with a seriousness that nobody could taint pushing out her eyes and her voice.

"I swear. It's you and me, Em. I swear, I won't screw up this time." He said while embracing her. She tilted her head on his shoulder and wondered to herself how many times he'd told her that. She had lost count completely.

**X**

It wasn't without Emma's approval that Sean joined Jay late Monday afternoon at the rehab facility. Jay liked to stay out of Shelby's life because that way, he wouldn't have to worry so much, that's why he hadn't visited her in the hundred and twenty-two days she'd been inside the blindingly white building.

The two boys were still and quiet as they signed in as visitors.

"Do you want me stay here?" Sean finally said as he watched Jay sigh and slide his hands into his jeans. Clearly, he was uncomfortable. "Give you guys some alone time."

"Nah, it's fine." Jay shrugged and waited.

Sean played with his hair that he'd left messy and down over his shoulders as a large nurse with silver eye shadow on led them down the long hallway, a different one than Emma had gone through when she met with Shelby months ago. The nurse told he and Jay how they make the patients exercise and eat a lot to help them along with their recovery. Internally, that pissed Jay off because he was well aware of how his little sister deeply hated both those activities.

Both Sean and Jay felt a rush of anxiety as they walked into the common room that had sun burnt wall paper that was peeling and a few plaques to inspire adorn on them. Shelby sat across from the both of them at a small plastic table in the corner of the room. They had very rarely had an occasion where they would stare directly at one another. Shelby was instantly uneasy. She tugged at the bitten sleeves of her worn out sweatshirt. Every now and then, she'd venture away from her chair and stare out the window that was quite low to the ground. Jay figured that the two of them should say important things to each other but seeing his sister in the state she was in only took away any self-esteem he had and he felt incapable of actually saying anything significant. He looked at her without having to look into her eyes.

Both Jay and Sean noticed that Shelby had lost a lot more weight and was skinny like a prepubescent boy. She crossed her legs courteously like they were on a first date. In the middle of the table was a plastic sandwich bag that had cigarettes inside of it and it took Sean a minute before noticing that Shelby was chain smoking them. He checked down under the table as Shelby shook her leg harder and he saw one of her baby toes sticking out of her gym sock and pointing right at him.

"Some patients aren't allowed to wear shoes." She told them before Sean had brought his head back up. "It makes the possibility of an escape less possible." As soon as she had explained that to them, he remembered she had a presents for the two boys. The she reached onto the ground next to her chair and planted the first one in the middle of the table. It was a pot he had decorated with pipe cleaners and different colored felt shapes with a small rose bush planted inside. Jay pictured mentally one of the nurses actually chaining Shelby up to her chair to create this because Michelle had never had any concentration to do something artsy when they were growing up. Then she put down a paper bag with seven paper cranes inside and told them about how they put on some workshop to teach them the art of origami.

"You're welcome to them, if you'd like."

Jay and Sean just nodded.

"I brought you a present, too." Jay reached into the pocket of the jacket he was wearing and then pushed a cassette of The Doors to Shelby.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She just shook her head and stared out the window from her chair.

Jay was silent and very muddled by what she had just told him. One thing he thought he knew for sure about his extravagantly temperamental sister was that she loved The Doors. He loved them too. He remembered Shelby once tried to get her high school friends into them but they just looked at her like she was the biggest loser to ever walk the halls. They both figured you had to be a kid with a history of tragedy to understand that kind of music. You had to watch your father get arrested to enjoy that kind of music. Shelby used to like to picture Jim Morrison singing the way he did, the way you write valentine cards, in a tuxedo and with a cat named Diamond on your table.

Jay had his tee shirt with a backwards sketch of a pirate ship on under the jacket which he made sure was peeking out. He had put it on because he knew Shelby loved it but, she didn't comment on it once. It seemed like she tried her best not to look at it. That's when Jay realized that a lot of the therapy was probably letting go of your personality but, he crossed his fingers over his knee cap that the therapy wasn't helping Shelby let go of her interest and love for him.

"What do you do here all day?" Sean asked as soon as he saw the sad expression forming on Jay's face.

"We talk a lot. I think I finally know what it's like to be a rock star, constantly talking about yourself and being interviewed. Tell me about yourself. What do you want to do next year? What motivates you? It's never an actual discussion." She explained.

"Do you exercise?" Sean said to change the subject and Shelby was happy to comply even though the question shocked him. It was as if Sean knew something she didn't think he did.

"When I first got here they tried to make me run laps but I told the nurse I was an infirm and so they made a doctor check my lungs where he told them I needed a feather pillow and a coffin because just bending over to touch my toes would kill me."

"Is it difficult to stay off drugs?"

"Yeah, man." She scoffed while exhaling a puff. "There's a drug dealer named Weibe who comes by the gate and sells dope."

"You don't buy any, do you?" Jay finally spoke up. Very concerned.

"I don't have a cent, man."

The brother and sister sunk right back into silence which was new to them but, then a young man sauntered into the room. He pulled up a wooden chair and sat between all three of them and handed Shelby a large mug of coffee. All the sudden, Shelby appeared much more at home and comfortable. The guy introduced himself to Jay and Sean as Evan. Unlike Shelby, Evan was fully dressed out of his pajamas. He was barefoot, too. His hair was the same color as both the Sean's only with a thick bleach blonde streak in it. He looked even younger than Shelby, seventeen, maybe. His fingers were all bitten down too; Jay and Sean had never seen anybody's fingers so chewed up like that. He had a large scab on the top of one hand like he'd been picking at it constantly. Evan grinned like he was in kindergarten and getting his picture taken. It was his trademark smile and Jay hated anybody who had a trademark anything. He was only able to take so much of Evan in because Evan didn't really pay that much attention to Jay. He stared at Shelby a lot. He acted like Shelby's interpreter. They were both grinning largely but neither Jay nor Sean realized there was something to smile about.

"I was telling Sean and my brother what it's like here." Shelby leaned back in her chair and informed Evan.

"When I first got here," Evan told Shelby, not the guys. "I kept thinking my skin was shrinking. It was getting so tight on me; I thought they were putting me in the dryer when I was asleep."

Evan's tale made Shelby laugh and Evan began to slosh salvia and water inside his mouth. Shelby usually did or used to do. It was disconcerting to Jay to witness somebody else do it the exact same way but, that's what happened in any rehabilitation center. People would rip other people off. People always told Jay and Sean growing up that they yawned the same and slept the same. If Shelby's personality was being stolen by Evan, so was his, he figured. Michelle frowned at both the boys and wished privately that Shelby would be more cautious around this guy and see through him.

"Have you seen any angel babies yet?" Excitedly, Evan asked Shelby. "Carla says, you know, Carla, right?" He checked before continuing. "She says after three weeks, because of all the Haldol and whatever they give you, you start to see angel babies."  
"I'm going to start to go to church once I get out, that's for sure." Shelby simply said.

"I don't believe in God, dude." Evan pushed out of his mouth. "You believe in the big J, I didn't know that about you." He nodded away.

It was killing Jay inside to not interrupt. He wanted to remind Shelby of the reason they stopped going to chapel when they were little. It was because there used to be a couple that lived a floor under them that had incredibly loud sex and they would always talk about Jesus and now that's what Shelby and Jay associated Jesus with.

Still, he couldn't find the best way to interject because the conversation didn't include him.

"Trust me, man," Shelby started up. "I want to believe in Jesus as much as everybody else but, that's not why I want to go to church. I got to open my lungs up, so I'll join their choir. I like singing."

"You're a good singer, too." Like a panting dog, Evan spoke quickly. "All smooth and deep. You should put out a record. You're good at that kind of shit. Me, I'm not, I got too much compressed energy in me."

"No way." Shelby shook her head. "I could never be a real singer."

"Didn't you hear Tracy in this mornings meeting, dude?" His eyes fell right out of his face they got so big when he asked Shelby that. "She was saying we have to reinvent ourselves. As if you're sitting with blank pages and you're about to write your own story. You and me, we could start a band."

That's when Jay sighed loudly which managed to grab his little sister's attention. He didn't like people who wanted to be famous. A lot of Sean and Jay's friends wanted to be famous as soon as they came out of rehab. Since they were no longer heroin addicts or anything, they wanted to be something exquisite like a bestselling author or a movie star.

"What's new with you, Jay?" Shelby asked her brother.

"I think I'm getting a little cold." He chose to tell her. "I asked Sean to pick me up some cough syrup a few days ago but he accidentally bought Nyquil and I got pretty drunk off it. I don't really remember."

Neither Shelby or Evan reacted to his story. He felt like an idiot for telling them. He should've told them about his business plans or how he'd shagged some like an animal the day before on a cold concrete floor.

Jay hated that Evan had a thousand things to tell Shelby, he acted like he knew his sister better than he did. He wasn't used to this; even though he'd never been close to Shelby, they had always had some kind of sibling connection. If Shelby was broke, Jay was broke. If you were telling Shelby's story, you had tell Jay's, he felt like he had been erased from his sister's world.

When their time together was over, Shelby walked Jay down the long and dimly lit hallway to the waiting room. Sean made sure to keep a distance between them and he silently fumbled behind them. The siblings didn't say a single word to one another as they walked. Once they reached the lobby of the rehab center, Shelby froze and forced a smile on her face. She then waved off both of them. She didn't want to touch them or hug them. Shelby looked like she didn't like looking at them, it made her squeamish. She turned around quickly like she felt inclined to read over how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on the bulletin board.

Jay climbed into the driver's seat of his car and sighed deeply before slamming his hand against the wheel.

"What's the deal?" Very concerned and worrisome, Sean watched over Jay.

Jay was devastated with himself. Why had he been so careless and so inconsiderate his whole life? He'd never spent enough time with Shelby. Maybe, if he had Shelby would've never become the person she had and ended up in rehab to begin with. Jay couldn't believe that he used to love the perks of Shelby's job and boast about how she was the best in her business. Now, Shelby had to lose her to become an empty shell because when she was full, she was incapable of properly functioning. Jay hated himself. He tried to explain it to Sean, but he might as well have been speaking a different language. He drove like a maniac out of the parking lot and down the busy streets of their city.

Sean crawled into bed next to Emma when he got home to his apartment. She was using the key he had made for her a lot more as she adjusted to trusting him again. He let his arm hang over her and she held it with both her little hands. She smiled to herself, happy that they were getting back on track. It was eleven o'clock at night and Sean was home, just like he said he'd be.

"How'd it go?" She asked quietly.

"Alright. Jay's in pretty bad shape."

'Why?"

"Shelby's really changed."

"Really?" Emma hadn't seen her in months and Shelby was pretty fresh to sobriety back then. "That's good. Good for her."

"I think it's hard for Jay to adjust that. He's feeling guilty."

'This is good, though. It's the right thing." Kissing his arm, Emma tried to reassure her boyfriend.

Sean was pleased to see Shelby make progress. He truly was, he just wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep his own life of peace up. He liked bringing in over a thousand dollars extra every two weeks. He kind of missed the old Shelby. He had an itch that he needed to scratch. He hoped silently that he'd be able to ignore it, but he wasn't sure.

**XXX**

**Long overdue, I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't know for the longest time what I was going to do with this. I know this chapter is long and kind of dull. I think I know what I've got planned for what's coming up, but ideas and suggestions are always appreciated. Let me know what you think!! **


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